This Is Bad, Oh So Very Bad

When you start a new "relationship" (I'll put that in quotes; I'm not exactly sure where we are, except to call us friends. At the same time, it's not exactly just friends.) with someone, when your dreaming subconscious self has a wild imagination, that is where things get into trouble. Let me start from the beginning.

Friday night, our mutual friend and classmate has a birthday party. We end up spending the whole night talking to each other, mainly because we didn't know the other people and mainly because we'll never see them again. Long story short, he offered me his king size (!) bed while he tries out his couches, which was very nice of him. He offered breakfast and a drive back to residence the next morning. As soon as he got back to his place, he adds me on MSN (which he remembered from peeking at the note I returned to the birthday friend) and we end up talking everyday since.

He's a nice guy. And funny. And we have similar tastes in music and TV. And he's a nerd like me. But in some ways, we're opposites (he's a talker, I'm not so much a talker) and sort of balance each other out.

I've been sick the past few days. Yes, cafe food is really catching up to my system now. It's making me want to throw up and not want to eat. That's never happened to me before. He generally cares about how I feel, as do my other friends here. But I feel better when I talk to him, even just on MSN. And I look forward to talking to him every time.

I knew when I first saw him in class, I thought he was cute, but I never thought anything else of it. That's a given for any of the guys I thought were cute. The cute boys and I don't hang in the same circle anyway. (Maybe when I blurted out in the first class that our team name should be Transformers, that's when he noticed me...?) Unlike previous crushes, I don't act like a silly schoolgirl around him. Normally, I would feel extra awkward if I do talk to him and run away if he looks at me. I don't feel that with him. I'm very comfortable talking to him. I'm very myself, and I'm my honest self.

This is all and well. But when my subconscious is dreaming of the future in my sleep, that is very bad. I don't want to think ahead for the mere fact that I don't want to be disappointed or hurt when something I wanted to happen, doesn't happen. My crazy subconscious didn't dream of a short, upcoming future. Oh no. It dreamt of the very far future. And this future contained the M word. I never think of the M word. Mostly because I know that it's very unlikely of me, considering my lack of record with guys in general. Then again, this could just be a silly dream. Whether it is or isn't, I'm still gathering myself to give my subconscious a stern lecture on going too wild.

I don't want to overthink what's going on. I really don't. And I hope he doesn't find this blog. The stuff I wrote in here is ... well ... it sucks. It makes me sound overly emotional, which I'm (usually) not.

He's a very smart cookie though. I wouldn't be too surprised if he does.